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There's Something About Hazleton -- Updated March 1, 2000

I can't stress this enough: I did not write this list! Please realize that before I get another "HEY D00D WHAT'S WRONG WITH HANGEN OUT IN HTE LOT??!" letter in my mailbox. Believe me, I can say yes to over 75% of these, so it's not like I'm acting all high and mighty by posting it.

Want to add on to the list? Mail your suggestions to

You are from Hazleton if...

  1. You know what "henna" means.
  2. You consider dining at a fancy place the Knotty Pines.
  3. You couldn't wait for summer to come so you can hang out at Angela Park.
  4. You ever were in the Funfest Parade and waved to people.
  5. You ever went downtown early at Funfest so you can put your lawn chairs out to save a good spot.
  6. You know what Skate Odyssey was.
  7. You and your mother ever shopped at Young World and ate pretzels from the counter.
  8. You used to get Ice Cream from Scoopers when it used to be Farmer's Dairy.
  9. You had a birhthday party at Aladdin's Castle or the Magic Touch.
  10. You used to shop at Discountland.
  11. Your favorite drink is a Farmer's Iced Tea with a straw.
  12. You ever hung out at "the lot".
  13. You ever cruised Broad Street.
  14. You ever packed the whole family up to go watch the "wonderful" fireworks display at the stadium.
  15. You ever hung out at the Laurel Mall and then McDonald's on a Friday night when you were in Junior High.
  16. You ever went to a dance at the YMCA.
  17. You ever owned a pair of acid washed jeans with holes and lace going up the side.
  18. You work 5 jobs at the Laurel Mall.
  19. You considered getting a Wal-Mart moving up in the world.
  20. You ever shopped at Deisroth's.
  21. You ever went to the Rat Trap.
  22. You remember when Ollies was K-Mart and K-Mart was Zayres and when Zayres was Ames.
  23. You remember Gee Bees. Screw Gee Bee's. Do you remember Gaylord's?
  24. You say youse guys when speaking to more than one person.
  25. You ever ate at the Big Wrangler.
  26. You drive a pick up that is more than 6 feet off of the ground.
  27. You used to rent movies from Unlimited Video.
  28. You can remember when Dominos was Kentucky Fried chicken.
  29. You can remember when Hazleton Cinemas was only two theaters.
  30. You can remember when the Key theater was really the Majestic.
  31. You depend on Channel 13 for the news.
  32. You ever watched Spotlight Talent Showcase.
  33. You ever bought a feather at the Funfest and clipped it in your Hair.
  34. You ever visited St Joseph's Hospital on a field trip.
  35. You were ever spun around on Dr. Childs' head.
  36. Gourmet Lunch: Jimmy Dogs
  37. You thought you were going to die on Angela Park's roller coaster.
  38. Two words: Bingo Eddie's. How much more Hazleton does it get?
  39. You showed up plastered at the Hafey Bazaar.
  40. You remember where the Hersker Theatre was.
  41. You danced the night away to "Baby Got Back" at Confetti's.
  42. You had to cruise in Wilkes-Barre for a better social life.
  43. You remember that the Laurel Mall site was once a public swimming pool
  44. You remember the Mummer's Parade every October ...
  45. You remember when St. Gabriel's School on Wyoming Street was considered one of the "elite" schools
  46. Your boyfriend ever dragged raced his car on the "quarter" by Humbolt.
  47. You know how a certain funeral home on Broad Street got different color bricks on the upper, right, front corner.
  48. Your car has more Bondo than metal.
  49. Your idea of celebrities include Bob Sacco and Sammy Lesante
  50. You've seen Jack Palance at the Mall
  51. You know the difference between Two Italian Guys and Two Guys from Italy
  52. You know what Scamutz is.
  53. You ever went swimming in the "strippins"
  54. You think the Hazleton Philharmonic ain't too bad.
  55. Henna? Or no?
  56. You don't bother with a seat at Harman-Geist stadium during the game because you are too busy walking around (and around, and around)
  57. You can pronounce things like Kryczanznak
  58. You ever jumped the back of a milk wagon with Tony the horse pulling it
  59. You know you are from Hazleton if you work "down da Plant" and shop "up da mall".
  60. You know you are from Hazleton if your dog is sick and your neighbor suggests giving him only clear liquids.
  61. You remember the Warm-Up Lounge
  62. You learned to swim at White Rock or Humboldt
  63. You like your french fries with vinegar, not ketchup
  64. You thought Most Precious Blood had the best church bazaar
  65. You used to go "parking" on James Street
  66. You know how to pronounce Kryzwicki's
  67. You remember the 5 cent Cherry Cokes at The Leader Store Luncheonette
  68. Your main recreational activity growing up was standing in front of Vesuvios in a 5-degree wind chill after walking from St. Joe's gym following a basketball game.
  69. You spent more of your life swimming and/or drinking in posted areas than in a swimming pool or bar.
  70. You've called the Betty Ford Clinic to suggest a program for people suffering from Farmer's Iced Tea and Senape's Pizza withdrawal.
  71. You actually understand certain Slovak, Polish, and/or Italian slang phrases.
  72. You can't understand why Pizza Hut, Dominos, Little Caeser's, etc., don't offer pizza with extra scamutz.
  73. You think a barrel is something in which beverages are stored.
  74. You can't figure out why "playing fingers" isn't an Olympic sport.
  75. Your diet growing up consisted mainly of "a slice and a tea."
  76. Every time you watch a baseball game, your mouth waters when you hear the words "Third Base."
  77. You instinctively think of a baked good when someone says the words "long johns."
  78. You know all the names of the original members of "Stryder," "Rogue," and "Richie Molinaro and Silk."
  79. Click-Click took your prom photos.
  80. you come back to Hazleton from whatever college you are at on the first day of hunting season.
  81. You have ever tried to get some scumbag on Alter street to get you a 40 at the Alterette.
  82. You ever started a fight with those "fucking Freeland kids."
  83. You've ever played Resinwich
  84. You remember Marcy's on 3rd Street by A.D.Thomas School.
  85. You remember Snyder's Dairy on Hemlock Street between James and Locust, by Vine Street Cemetery.
  86. You remember Matuella's Dairy on 7th Street.
  87. If you remember when Kings on West Broad was Top Spot, and hamburgers were only 29 cents.
  88. You're from Hazleton if your immediate response to "how are you?" is "good'n you?"
  89. You ever went to the Leader store and drank cherry cokes or went just to ride up and down the escalator.
  90. You remember the old state hospital, or better yet when they delivered babies.
  91. You went to "The Swing Out" at Angela Park on Saturday nights to hear Ognir and the Night People.
  92. You refer to a state police officer as a "statey"
  93. You think "fillet" is a type of fish
  94. You call a bell pepper a "mango"
  95. You pronounce the word "tiger," as "tagger" (e.g. "that Tagger Woods is a great golfer.")
  96. You said "wow" when you entered Martz Hall in Pottsville for the first time
  97. You still call Murph's Newsstand "Jim Perry's"
  98. You think then presidential candidate Jimmy Carter actually visited the Capri in 1976
  99. You remember when Vesuvio (Vesuvio's) was Pietro's and Pietro's was Villa Maria
  100. You think the owner/operators of Vesuvio are Mr. and Mrs. Vesuvio
  101. You get your ice-cold spring water amid the old tires, paint cans and other trash at Stockton
  102. Your highlight of past parades has been the HHS band's rendition of "Everything's Coming Up Roses"
  103. You get a chill up your spine as the Silver Beavers pass in the parade
  104. You know you're from Hazleton if you've ever been to the brick plant.
  105. You know your from Hazleton if you know the Grebey Greasers.
  106. You remember open lunches at Harman Jr. High
  107. You can remember When K.F.C was Arthur Treachers!
  108. You're convinced that Jan Lewan is famous.